5 Ways to survive in Lagos

As you are driving into Lagos from the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway at the end of the boundary between the state and Ogun State, you are welcome by three statues conspicuously telling you that you are now in Lagos and that you must drop every unacceptable habit you picked up on your way because, well, this is Lagos.
That is to tell you that in Lagos you must abide the rules of the city or you are on your own. Here, no one tells you to behave yourself, because you must have noticed right from the first bus stop that you are in no man's land and you must, like we say here,'shine your eyes' or else, you will be on your way back to your village

The law officers are not your friend

Any other place, you are told that law enforcement agents, that is, the police, army, navy and air force personnel, are your friends but in Lagos, the likes of KAI, LASTMA, Man O’War, private security, the National Union of Road Transport Workers, even the Mallam guarding your gate, are not your friends at all.
If you are new in Lagos and you miss your way, just walk to a policeman and ask for directions. If you are going from Ikeja to Surulere, you may end up in Apapa due to their misleading directions.
If you are driving and miss your way and see LASTMA officials coming your way, my friend, take off as fast you can because they are not coming to help out of your problems but to compound your problems by imposing different kinds of crazy charges on you, even when they know you do not build cars.

 Run before you ask questions

If you are walking along the streets of Lagos and you see people suddenly running in different directions, be wise enough to join them. Do not ask questions! Just run for safety before finding out what is happening.
It is better to be safe than be a victim. If you are one of those doubting Thomases, you could well end up in the police cell or even in prison for 'not running' when others did. I have seen it happen, so I am warning you!

 Get off the road

If you want to get home alive, be wise enough to get off the road when you hear the siren of speeding convoys, blaring to high heavens, telling mere mortals like us that they are above the law. These could be the police, military, government official, traditional rulers or even private security outfits or the general overseer of a church.
They own the roads and if you do not get out of their way fast enough, you stand the risk of having your car's windscreen or side mirror broken and if you as much as try to complain, you will be given the beating of your life. After all, you are a bloody civilian, so there is nothing you can do about it.

 

Beware of free gifts

If you love free things, then you have to stay away from our City of Excellence because here, 'awuf dey run belle'. In fact, there is no such thing as free gifts in Lagos and if you are one of those who believe you can roll along and live by free things, you will not find any succor in Lagos.
Let me give you this example. There was this young man who came to Lagos some time ago and decided to live on free things. What happened was that where he lived, there was a quiet and unassuming fraudster who became his friend. Whenever the 'smart' guy did some scam runs, he placed the amount in the guy's bank account until the Economic and Financial Commission (EFCC) cottoned on to the scams and swooped in on the owner of the account.
The real fraudster scampered to God knows where, leaving the poor chap to explain how he came about the large sum in his account. By the time he could explain himself, he had spent two years in detention and by the time he came out, he had learnt a very bitter lesson and had to move back to his village.